IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME HERE: Welcome! This is a weekly column about superhero movie news, rumors and speculation.
THIS WEEK: What do you mean there are no more Marvel movies this year? You mean I HAVE TO START DOING REPORTING AGAIN?!?!?! JEEZ. OK THEN.
THIS COLUMN HAS BEEN UPDATED SINCE IT'S ORIGINAL POSTING.
It’s been a long road, like the Wiz Kalifa kind, with Spider-Man reporting. Y’all might have noticed I took a few weeks off and let other people take point once the Tom Holland-ness of it all took over. I’m still convinced Asa Butterfield was telling people he was Spider-Man way past when he should have been and I’m very confident Dylan O’Brien wasn’t in the running past when I said he was out of the running (for being TOO OLD).
Outside of that, my ear-to-the-Spidey-ground was removed from said ground while we waited for more information. We knew more information was coming because Spider-Man is on set somewhere in Atlanta for the shooting of Captain America: Civil War. Because he’s there, that means a costume is there. Because a costume is there, that means the new world of Spidey is being built.
Let’s cover some Spider-Man stuff from most likely to be true to least likely to be true, but it’s all rumor and it’s all interesting.
First up: what’s Spider-Man going to look like?
You might have caught this weekend’s crazy Spider-Man theory, floated by Birth Movies Death and shot down by James Gunn: that the Russo Brothers, currently directing Civil War, have a secret Twitter account where they are tweeting things from set.
The circumstantial evidence is strong for scoop hunters. Is this a close up of the Sokovia Accords that we heard mentioned at the end of Ant-Man?
Is this the emotive eye lens from a Spider-Man costume?
James Gunn, director of Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2, took to Twitter to say the Russos do not tweet and will not tweet, so the actual culprits are still a mystery. The validity of these images are still up for debate, but maybe I can help a little bit.
Want to know what Spidey’s gonna look like?
BOOM. BLUE IS OUT. That's been floating around the internet, but let me bring it into the fold: this is what we should be talking about.
In the grand tradition of not publishing things illegally obtained, I’m happy to report this is an artist’s rendering of the Civil War Spider-Man costume. [UPDATE: ED. the concept art was not drawn from descriptions of the concept art as the initial version of this post stated, this photo was found by a source with access to the Spider-Man costume as a way of legally reporting on how it looked.] That means specific details (like how the lenses and gloves are styled) might be a little different when they hit the screen next year. HOWEVER, it’s really easy to see the “home made” costume look that Marvel Studios has been touting.
This costume is gonna be cosplay-a-riffic.
I feel pretty good about that hybrid of Spider-Man India (toes!) and Spider-Man Noir (goggles!).
There’s a rumored cast list for the Spider-Man solo film floating around the internet (h/t) that I feel less sure about. Sure, the internet seems to be obsessed with how speculation and scoop reporting isn’t entertainment journalism this week, but y’all I know I do not care.
I’ve been texting this image to my comic book friends, why shouldn’t I share it with you? Just don’t claim that I confirmed anything here.
Peter Parker - Tom Holland, this we know.
Billy Zane as The Vulture would be completely different from everything that John Malkovich would have made Adrian Toomes. I’m assuming that all previous design done for Sam Raimi on The Vulture has been tossed out entirely, as would any Marc Webb designs for Scorpion...played by Jason Biggs?
Both antagonists here have mech suits (which would jive with the rumor we reported way back when that Tony Stark would be appearing in Spider-Man’s solo film) and are based around mechanizing animal themes. Are we early enough in the Spider-Man mythology that J. Jonah Jamison will have something to do with Gagen becoming The Scorpion? If anyone can pull off accidental villainy like that, it would be Hugh Laurie. JK Simmons is great in everything, but a Hugh Laurie Jamison that is more like Dr. House could be amazing. On board for that.
Marisa Tomei we knew about, Robert Downey Jr we suspected, now onto the children!
Rachel G Fox is a 19 year old actress who I have literally never seen in anything. She gives out stock tips, though, on a website called FoxOnStocks that has nothing to do with the television channel Fox. It has to do with her being foxy. I’m not sure how to feel about this, but since I haven’t seen her work, it’s up to her to prove herself worthy of being Mary Jane Watson.
Timothée Chalamet was the rich kid who ran over a guy in Homeland, so - yeah - I can dig the Harry Osborn vibe.
Sami Gayle is great in Blue Bloods and will make an adorable Liz Allen if that happens.
Jacob Latimore is black, making his a racially swapped Flash Thompson, which I’m sure some asshole will have a problem with for no good reason. As for his acting accuman: here's hoping we finally get a Flash Thompson that has something to do on screen because Latimore is capable.
Miranda Cosgrove is, I guess, old enough to be Betty Brant now even though she’ll always be the kid from School of Rock to old-man-me.
Finally: Tyler Posey as Ned Leeds is as close as the Teen Wolf cast got to Spider-Man, Dylan O’Brien fans. Putting Leeds is here is just telegraphing that we’ll be getting some dual Goblin action in the future. Harry is fated to become the Green Goblin, one would imagine, and Leeds is the second Hobgoblin in the comics, positioning him as a future villain here.
Spider-Man 3: Goblin War, maybe?
...and Forrest Whitaker as Robbie Robertson is totally fine, but I promise he will be underused because that’s Robbie’s lot in life.
WHEW! That’s quite the cast for a teen high school action superhero romance farce. That’s what this movie is going to be, right?
That’s all the Spidey news fit to print, but that doesn’t mean I’m done for the week.
It’s been three years since Marvel came after me for posting about Iron Man 3 and Guardians of the Galaxy. How far we’ve come!
As I mentioned up top, James Gunn is returning to direct Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2 and if you’re not psyched about it yet read this sentence: I’m betting a majority of you will “squee” like little excited foxes when you find out who Star Lord’s father is.
CIVIL WAR, WHATEVER, DON’T SLEEP ON GUARDIANS VOLUME 2.
Guardians heads down to Atlanta to start shooting in February 2016. Outside of the main cast, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, and the director’s brother Sean Gunn are set to return for more Ravager and Nebula action.
I promise more Guardians secrets that have blown all my footwear off as we progress onward in this great game of speculation and rumors, the “not real journalism” that’s ruining the internet.
Until then, Groot dancing to the Jackson 5 is great, Rosario Dawson dancing to the Jackson 5 is better.