STAR WARS: Mizzlewumps and Rumors

– by L-R

They're extra-ordinary so better be wary

Because they come in every shape and size
- size - size - size 

HE WHAT?:  It’s a column on Star Wars news and rumors and therefore contains SPOILERS and SPECULATION. If you’re not into those things: I appreciate you clicking on this post, but I think it will just make you mad.

THIS WEEK: We’re in an Episode VII tailspin! I’ve been dropping some stuff, people on the internet disagree and some people on the internet have a lot more to say. And - Hey! We’re a community! And a community listens to each other.


Sometimes I hear rumors about things and I hold my head in my hands asking: where’s Star Wars: Rebels when you really need it?

This week saw the official release of A New Dawn, the first novel in the new Expanded Universe, which means y’all can read it and not just rely on the really rushed not-a-review I wrote a few weeks ago for our #SpoilersAllDay extravaganza. It’s showing us what the new series is going to be and as someone who never watched 100% of The Clone Wars (sorry Mace Windu/Jar Jar episodes), I’ve been so very psyched to get to know these characters through text before they join the other members of my new Star Wars family in time for next month’s premiere.

Disney has been doing a great job of popping off teasers and shorts that plant this series right between the prequel trilogy and the original trilogy without leaning too heavily on both (this might play better for me having read A New Dawn already, I’m go for some Jedi talk).

Two videos I want to bring to your attention this week, a Disney Rebels tease focusing on The Empire’s new status in the system: CLICK HERE to go to the DISNEY site for that.

...and another splendid Rebels short: “Not What You Think...”

...where we get our first hint at Ezra’s Force sensitivity and I’m FORCEd to reckon, once again, with the plasma slingshot or whatever that is. I love everything about Rebels except that damn slingshot. Look, if there are bombad orbs of energy that short out electronics on Naboo, why aren’t those being used in the slingshot? Because you’d have to carry ammo? Because the Trade Federation Blockade stopped the export of Gungan ballistics technology? Does something happen in Star Wars: Rebels that explains to me why plasma or balls of controllable electricity aren’t a big deal in the original trilogy? Because I’m pretty sure we took down the Death Star shield with rocks and trees. Seriously, plasma slingshot, you’re the midichlorians of Star Wars: Rebels.

That being said, hearing the score and the TIE fighter sounds again gets me every time.


So: Skelling Michael Island?

I said some stuff about Ireland’s Skelling Michael Island being a certain homeworld for a certain group of baddies last week. This set off a number of actions, most directly, my mistaking the Sith Homeworld name for Korraban instead of Moraband. You see, it was Korrban up until the LucasFilm Story Group re-wrote a bunch of Star Wars history. And Moraband, the Sith Homeworld, was canonized in Star Wars Insider #148 this year, as far as I can tell, since we saw it in the still-canon Clone Wars series.

I only half-expected to hear from the Irish Film Board.

“Bord Scannán na hÉireann/the Irish Film Board can confirm that no filming has been scheduled for Skellig Michael in the coming months. Any comment on the international blogs with regard to this matter is pure speculation at this stage,” said Louise Ryan, the board’s marketing and communications manager to The Irish Examiner.

That seems very contrary to the NDAs and contracts that I heard were signed to move more production onto the Island in November, but - hey! - I am not an official film board of a country, so what do I know?

The article also mentions that fans of Star Wars have been quick to suggest that the return shoot might be aerial footage, which would be sweet, but I very specifically heard that boat crews have been contracted. Once again, I am not a seaman, part of the production team or official member of the Irish arts community, but that’s a-what I heard.

So: yeah, Ireland - this international blog says Abrams return trip still likely. I hope you’re just doing the responsible thing and complying to your NDA.

Once there was a man named Mizzlewump who read a draft of Star Wars: Episode VII.

I first ran across Mizzlewump in early April of this year in a forum, smiled a big smile and moved on after bookmarking it.

What I put in this column is an editorial decision amongst a few people over here at Latino Review because we want people to read the site, but sometimes we defer on something in order to have a better conversation about things. Wasn’t it fun talking about Jedi Hunters for a few weeks while we were unsure about who these villains were? Point being, I’d be more wrong and less entertaining if I just splashed everything I found out there into here. NO SPLASHING. Everyone needs to walk calmly around the pool.

But now that we’ve caught up with the content of Mizzlewump’s post and verified some of it, that means it’s share time.



Here’s that forum post from March 31st:

I've read the second draft of the Abrams/Kasdan script.

I've chosen a trip so that people can't BS in my name when trailers, other media, and the film itself confirm what I say. I won't post again until then so as not to be accused of attention whoring.

Please don't read unless you want to have the film spoiled.

>Leia is made leader of the Republic after her predecessor's death

>Han is a retired veteran of the Republic fleet

>Luke hasn't been seen in nearly 30 years

>the lead character is Han and Leia's daughter

>the other lead is the child of Lando, and either a male or female depending on who is cast

>the other lead is a Stormtrooper, also either a male or female depending on who is cast

>dialogue for these two characters is very rough in the second draft

>Luke has no known offspring

>The Empire still exists in the form of a number of loyal galaxies and are in a state of cold war with the Republic

>The Empire is simply referred to as the "Empire," and the Republic is referred to formally only once, as the "Galactic Republic;" no "New" anywhere

>There are no Jedi whatsoever, and people still speak as if they are extinct, with Luke being "the last of his kind"

>The main antagonists are an older student of the Emperor, and his apprentice

>The apprentice takes control of the power dynamic between the two pretty quickly...

>The Republic are excavating ruins on a neutral world for a weapon; the world factors into tense negotiations the Empire have had with the Republic, and is referred to as the "Sith Homeworld"

>Loredump: In the script, the Sith are a couple thousand years old, founded by an ancestor of Palpatine called Ruin; the apprentice in this film also goes by that name

>the ruins within the Sith Homeworld are a control station; the planet itself is the weapon

>Luke saves the day at the end, but in a bad way; he has changed


So - yes. The things we’ve reported in the past week have backed up a lot of these bullet points. The trigger-happy part of me wants to assume the other bullet points are true as well, but the Woodward & Bernstein part of me wants to beat the trigger-happy part of me to death.

But let’s not jump to conclusions here. Remember when I was all about the Mandalorians and Jedi Hunters? Whew! Slap my face.

Let’s look at some of my other favorite things I can in no way confirm. These bullet points from Jason Ward over at Making Star Wars with my additions/reactions in BOLD:

  • Lukes Disappearance – The idea that Luke disappeared immediately after Endor isn’t entirely true. He had a good 10 to 20 years after Return Of The Jedi ended. When the movie starts he’s been missing for around 10 years.

I can live with that. But mostly because I haven’t given up Mara Jade hope and YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!

  • Count Dooku Connection – Back when Benedict Cumberbatch was a rumored addition to the cast, a rumor was that his character was a descendant of Count Dooku. This was true. This connection was then moved onto Gwendoline Christie’s character.

Awesome. I mean, Dooku always reminded me of the first stage of Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time but keeping bloodlines and generations an important theme is important. It’s also great to have someone whose descendent was basically a massive puppet in the Clone Wars and commissioned the first Death Star

  • Leia and the Hutt’s – There was a production sketch done very very early on which showed Princess Leia standing in the middle of several Hutts. She was wearing a maroon dress (political style) and was flanked by two soldiers (they looked to me like the Naboo guards from Phantom Menace but to others they looked like the rebel soldiers from the beginning of A New Hope.) The picture looked as if she was having a meeting with them. She certainly didn’t appear to be captive or under threat. I have no idea if this sketch has anything to do with the movie that is being shot as it was very early on.

It sounds like Leia has become a career politician, so I have no doubt these sorts of scenes were sketched. There’s a loud contingent of “insiders” out there who say we won’t be going to Hoth or Tatooine in Episode VII, but...we always go to Tatooine in the first film of a new trilogy. So…???

  • Endor – Again, very early on, there were several sketches titled ‘after party’ which was a bit of an in-joke. These showed a second battle of Endor. The story being that after the rebels left Endor, Imperial forces and these new villains attacked. They killed many Ewoks and more importantly left with the remains of Darth Vader. Now, where I was working at the time, there was a lot going on and some of it wasn’t necessarily related to Episode VII but other Star Wars projects that will fill in the gaps between Episode VI and VII . I don’t think these scenes will appear in the movie but rather something set between movies.]

Remember rumors they were casting Ewoks earlier this year? Ewok massacre players maybe? I also LOVE the idea that the Episode VII production is shooting stuff for other Star Wars projects. Great use of budget and really good at throwing people like me off the scent.

  • George Lucas – George’s vision for the Sequel Trilogy was to take it right back to the beginning. Meaning, the beginning of the Jedi and Sith, how that came to be and how ancients forces were still influencing things. Luke was going to go on an adventure that would take him back to the origin of evil in the Galaxy. Some of these ideas have very much influenced the story.

RUIN. RUUUUUUIIIIN. Both RUUUUIIIINNNSSSS. And Plagueis creating the Skywalker line? Just don’t end the trilogy with John Boyega fleeing the Galaxy and finding Earth. Unless you start calling your cyborgs Cylons, in which case: go nuts.

That's a wrap for the week.

Anyone finish A New Dawn yet?

Column, LRM Exclusives Star Wars Episocde 7, Star Wars: Episode VII, Star Wars, Star Wars: Rebels, Skellig Michael island, S7ar Wars