Read The Emails
I missed the boat, folks. Missed it bad. Emails piled high like toxic sludge, and what did I ignore? A little subject line that read The Toxic Avenger. Shame on me. Should’ve known better. Should’ve clicked. Should’ve felt the glow of something bubbling beneath the surface.
But fate, in all its mulleted glory, came through. I opened one. Just one. And boom, there it was. A trailer. No warning. No fanfare. Just a play button and a hunch. I clicked, expecting some lazy reboot. A quick cash grab. Nostalgia roadkill.
The Toxic Avenger
Then bam, Peter Dinklage. In a mop-wielding, flesh-melting fever dream. What’s he doing here? I didn’t know, but I was in. The trailer started modest. But it escalated. Goo. Gore. Grime. And somewhere in that madness… heart.
Yes, heart. This thing doesn’t look hollow. It’s not afraid to laugh or squirm. It leans into the mess. Like a kid in the world’s worst bubble bath. The bones of Troma are here, twisted, punk, and pulsating. But there’s a weird soul too. A mutant soul.
Cast
Then came the rest of the cast. Kevin Bacon, lookin’ like a sleaze who bathes in radioactive ego. Elijah Wood, unrecognizable and uncanny, straight out of a Sin City fever-dream. Jacob Tremblay, just trying to survive the sludge. Taylour Paige, wielding intensity like a Louisville Slugger. This isn’t some Z-list mop opera. It’s a murderers’ row of talent. And they’re all covered in something unspeakable.
Trailer
I sat through that trailer twice. Then again. Not for analysis. Not for notes. Just vibes. It’s got that rare thing, gross-out with a grin. Carnage with chemistry.
It lands in theaters August 29, 2025. Where it belongs. Where the sticky floors match the movie. This ain’t just a remake. It’s a revival. A resurrection. Maybe even a redemption.
ALSO SEE: Who Will Direct The Toxic Avenger Reboot?
Should’ve clicked the email sooner. Should’ve known. But I’m here now. And so is The Toxic Avenger. Let the splatter begin.
Here’s the synopsis –
When a downtrodden janitor, Winston Gooze, is exposed to a catastrophic toxic accident, he’s transformed into a new kind of hero: The Toxic Avenger. Now, Toxie must rise from outcast to savior, taking on ruthless corporate overlords and corrupt forces who threaten his son, his friends, and his community. In a world where greed runs rampant, justice is best served radioactive.
