This week on the B movie docket is Don’t Kill It.
Hello good people. And welcome to 50 B Movies: The Sequel. It’s bigger, better, and badder. The original 50 b Movies covered a wide range of B Movies. There was everything from Thankskilling 3 to The Void. Some films were funny. Some were unintentionally funny. And some were mainstream with far-out concepts like zombie tigers. All in all, it was a hell of a list.
Why make a sequel? Because narrowing down a list of 50 B Movies To See Before You Die was arduous. With so many movies to watch, one can never really know if the movie is good. Sure sometimes 5 minutes in, you know it is a real stinker. Other times it might take a half an hour before one realizes they will never get that half hour back to their life. Poof. Gone. But all in all there are many great B Movies that didn’t make the original list.
So welcome back if you are a LRM reader and welcome if it’s your first time here. Be forewarned we will be treading deep into the bush to pull these B Movies. We aren’t rehashing anyone’s previous 50 or 100 or 1000 B Movies list. Nope. So, prepare yourself for 50 B Movies To See Before You Die: The Sequel. Bigger. Better. Badder. Oooh yeah.
WEEK 14 – Don’t Kill It (2016)
Ivan Drago is back and this time he’s battling a demon. The big bad Russian from Rocky, Dolph Lundren acts in the 2016, Mike Mendez directed action horror B movie about a demon hunting bad%$#. This week’s movie is Don’t Kill It. Think the Denzel Washington and John Goodman horror-thriller, The Fallen but as a satirical B movie.
Going to preface this by saying that if you are easily triggered, this is one you want to skip out on. There are a lot of murders in this movie. There are also a lot of murders in other movies. However, Don’t Kill It is unique in that most murders occur in mass. In fact the third act features a demonically possessed person committing a mass shooting in a church. So, if seeing several mass shootings in a movie is not something you can comfortably watch, why are you even reading this article? This is 50 B Movies To See Before You Die – The Sequel. Bigger. Better. Badder
When an ancient evil is unleashed in a small Mississippi town, it leaves a trail of death and destruction as it passes from host to host. The only hope of survival lies with a grizzled demon hunter (Dolph Lundgren) who has faced this terror before. With the help of a reluctant FBI agent (Kristina Klebe), he must figure out how to destroy a demon that has the ability to possess its killer.
That is an apt description of Don’t Kill It, that I found somewhere online. I would only add, the demon squeals like a hellish pig whenever it possesses someone. And it gives the possessed freakish supernatural strength. For instance, there is a scene where a possessed little girl wipes out a group of special agents like she was X-23.
I have to give credit to the filmmakers here. Don’t Kill It starts off early on with the gore. We meet a hunter out in the woods. He’s accompanied by his dog that helps him hunt. It tracks down his prey. However this time it fails to do anything useful. Instead of finding the next buck for the wall, it finds a demon in a bottle.
Without divulging specifics of the circumstances leading to the hunters possession, I will say the hunter does in fact get taken by the demon. Now this particular demon has access to great motor skills because it can drive well enough to not get pulled over on the way home to see his family. So the hunter goes home and kills his family, and then the neighbor’s family. Then the father of the neighbors family kills him, and we find out why the movie is titled Don’t Kill It. Because the minute the hunter hits the ground, the demon is airborne like the C word and it infects the father, and I’ll leave it to your imagination to come up with what the father does to his screaming kid.
Audiences love an antihero. They have since Clint Eastwood was serving up the acting chops in Sergio Leon Westerners. Boy, how times have changed. But our love for a [email protected]!! antihero remains the same. I mean so long as the hero isn’t chauvinistic. Eastwood’s character in The Good The Bad And The Ugly nearly laid his life on the line for a brothel and its occupants.
I am pleased to say that Lundgren brings the antihero flavor he is known for as the antihero specialist in demonology, Jebediah Woodley. Watching this part of me was hoping Lundgren would do a tongue in cheek callback to Universal Soldier by donning another ear necklace. Sadly that never happened, unless there was a post credits scene that I missed.
Killer B Movie
There’s a lot of killing on screen for a movie named Don’t Kill It. But there’s a reason for that. This is one demonically possessed bad guy you would not want to kill. Why? Because it immediately inhabits the body of the person who killed it. So for instance, demonically possessed elderly woman walks after her victims. But then someone accidentally runs her over. So now the demon is in control of a body that is at the wheel of a vehicle capable of moving down people like summertime weeds.
You have seen Gregory King Hoblit’s 1998 film Fallen, right? No, you say? To that I ask how could you not have seen a movie starring a rarity of talent like Denzel Washington, John Goodman, James Gandolfini, and Donald Sutherland? Go see it. What are you waiting for? I commend those of you that have. Excuse me while I recap it. First off the bad guy is a demon that sings an awesome rendition of The Rolling Stone’s Time Is On My Side as he uses touch and contact to pass himself around body hopping whilst tormenting Denzel Washington’s character, Detective John Hobbes. That demon is a complete p**** compared to the demon Dolph Lundgren is up against. This demon is racking of John Wick levels of bodies.
You Never Seen This
How many times have we seen a superhero landing? Or someone swing a fist at someone only to miss them and knock chunks from the wall? Not to discount those. I’m sure we would all watch superheroes sticking landings all day if we could. There are tons of them. We’d still watch them. But how often have you seen someone have their head impaled on mounted elk antlers? Or an axe completely obliterate someone’s head in one swing. We’re entering Cronenberg levels of body horror now.
Don’t Kill It has things you have never seen. Of course there’s several things you have. We all have seen several iterations of the hero that is thought crazy until the s*** hits the fan, and people realize they need the crazy guy locked up babbling to police about how he’s going to prevent the worlds pending apocalypse. We’re canceling the apocalypse, he said. Not in this film, but Idris Elba does say that in Pacific Rim.
Follow along with me here. Picture a sandwich. The bread is made of drama. It’s got the perfect amount of cheese dripping from the corners. Yes, this is the grilled cheese sandwich of cheesy B movies. Because grilled cheese sandwiches are adult and are available from the corner mart to the restaurant. So, you can watch this and feel like your indulging in some serious fare. Maybe tell someone you’re testing your resilience to being triggered.
Watch Don’t Kill It because you are interested in finding out why a movie titled Don’t Kill It has such a high body count. Wait a minute. Watch it because you want to see the man that was Jean Claude Van Damme’s reanimated nemesis track down a demon before it can trigger the apocalypse. We’re canceling the apocalypse. No one says that in this movie. Do not go into it expecting to hear that line.
Watch it where?
If you google the name, you should see several results. Nowadays a movie might be on HBO one day and Tubi one month later before resurfacing on Hulu. I watched it on the Tubi streaming service. But it could be anywhere when you read this. Good luck finding it.