This week on the B movie docket is Hobo With A Shotgun.

B movies are the glue stuck in between all the other genres, oftentimes refusing to conform to any particular genre presets. Some but not all of the hallmarks of a B movie include scripts that read like they were written by a room full of eighth-graders, poor visual effects, cringe-inducing dialogue, low budget production design, and zany plot contrivances. You’re aware of the hallmarks, right? B-movies often reek of amateur flair. Thought you were about to watch a great white shark hunted in dramatic fashion like only Steven Spielberg can deliver? Nope, this is Sharknado.

Why do we love B movies? I think B movies are comforting. You know what you’re about to watch is bad. If you’re fortunate it may be so bad that it’s good. You’ll often scratch your head trying to work out the plot. Out of the many good films you’ve seen, I bet you can talk with more vigor about the worst ones you’ve seen. They’re unforgettable. There’s something comforting about that I think. Besides they’ve been around just as long as the movie industry.

Believe it or not, chances are there’s a B movie for you. So I compiled a list of 50 B movies you must see before you die. No decade is off-limits. No rating is too taboo. For the next 49 weeks, I will introduce and recommend a B movie for your viewing pleasure. Yes, these are exciting times indeed my fanatical friends.

WEEK 8 – HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN

For week 8, I am telling you that you need to watch Hobo With A Shotgun. This B movie features the late Rutger Hauer in the main role. You might recall him from his notorious role as the replicant Roy in Ridley Scott’s sci-fi epic Blade Runner. God bless Rutger Hauer. Because as the title suggests, Hauer dispenses justice one shotgun shell at a time. There are many reasons for you to see this film. We will go over them. But to sum it up very quickly, Hobo With A Shotgun is where the Rambo franchise should have gone.

The Plague

First up, we have the duo hired to take out the Hobo.

First off, why hasn’t Mezco made figures of this damnable duo yet? I’d have imagined Neca who licenses nearly everything on God’s green earth would’ve at least put out a boxed set of these shoguns for hire. Hell, Rip and Grinder have been murdering since biblical times. At least that’s what that awesome board of crossed out targets reveals at their lair. Jesus, Joan of Arc? Been there, done that. Now they have set their sights on the Hobo. This duo is hardcore. They even have some sort of Cthulhu monster trapped in their lair. Bottom line don’t f*** with The Plague.

The Little People Fight Back

For a movie that came out a decade ago, it does a great job holding up a mirror to the decay of culturalism and decency in America. At the start of the film, our good ol’ protagonist rolls into town on a train. To be clear, he did not buy a train ticket. Our hero, the Hobo, clearly hitched an illegal ride. Instead of solace, the Hobo finds a town torn apart by corruption and rotten to the core. His first event finds him smack at the scene of some bozo with a camera intent on creating his version of Bum Fights.

But that is not all. The town is full of sick and twisted ways to get your pleasure. There is a wack-a-mole where bursting some poor SOB’s foot open is the object of the game. There are public executions. The townsfolk here are cornered on both sides. In one corner we have a batsh%% crazy villain named Drake who is the patriarch of a familicide committing crew and his terrible sons Ivan and Slick. In the other corner, and very much complacent with Drake’s plans are the good folks of the local PD.

The townsfolk are initially reluctant to stand up for themselves because of years of victimization. It takes our hero Hobo With A Shotgun to start blowing off some limbs to wake up the masses. Yes, John Rambo would have been happy blasting the kneecaps out on any evil oppressive force in this town.

Blood and guts

Picture this. Batman wraps a rope around a guy’s neck, inserts said rope into the grappling gun, points, aims, and fires it into the ceiling. That is how hardcore The Plague are at getting down to business. Speaking of business. The Hobo duct tapes the business end of a shotgun to a guy’s crotch. Buckets of blood run in this B movie. I will not spoil the end, but wait until you see the hooker, I mean wait till you see the teacher murder a guy using nothing but what is left of her bare hands. I’m sure you’ll throw caution to the wind, but be cautious because if “fictional” violence against children makes you squeamish, then you may want to skip this film. Because those kids are going to cook. But fret not, our friendly neighborhood Hobo avenges the little snots.

Zingers

If you are a fan of often cheesy one-liners then you are going to really enjoy hearing things like “spare some change”, “I’m going to sleep in your bloody carcasses tonight”, “Just because they don’t got beds doesn’t mean they’re homeless, ’cause – guess what? – they’ve got the biggest home of any of us. It’s called “the streets,” or my personal favorite “You and me are goin’ on a car-ride to Hell, and you’re riding shotgun”.

Final Thoughts

Hobo With A Shotgun is a rare gem for a B movie. It consistently seeks to outdo the onscreen insanity. Your jaw will drop at the sheer madness of it all coalescing on screen. I’ve never seen a guy dressed like Santa get offed right in front of a playground. Seriously you need to see Hobo With A Shotgun. Oh, and if you thought The Walking Dead’s Negan was a badass with Lucille. Just wait until you see Drake’s razor rigged baseball bat.

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