This week on the B movie docket is House Shark
Hello good people. And welcome to 50 B Movies: The Sequel. It’s bigger, better, and badder. The original 50 b Movies covered a wide range of B Movies. There was everything from Thankskilling 3 to The Void. Some films were funny. Some were unintentionally funny. And some were mainstream with far-out concepts like zombie tigers. All in all, it was a hell of a list.
Why make a sequel? Because narrowing down a list of 50 B Movies To See Before You Die was arduous. With so many movies to watch, one can never really know if the movie is good. Sure sometimes 5 minutes in, you know it is a real stinker. Other times it might take a half an hour before one realizes they will never get that half hour back to their life. Poof. Gone. But all in all there are many great B Movies that didn’t make the original list.
So welcome back if you are a LRM reader and welcome if it’s your first time here. Be forewarned we will be treading deep into the bush to pull these B Movies. We aren’t rehashing anyone’s previous 50 or 100 or 1000 B Movies list. Nope. So, prepare yourself for 50 B Movies To See Before You Die: The Sequel. Bigger. Better. Badder. Oooh yeah.
WEEK 2 – House Shark (2017)
The second entry on the 50 B Movies To See Before You Die is House Shark. Yes, it is as great as the title sounds. The filmmakers take a low-budget hammy B movie approach to Jaws and it works to hilarity. Trust me if you are a fan of B Movies you will not be disappointed with this one, especially if you know your movie trivia as there are several instances of characters quoting movies throughout film history.
When he finds a shark that can travel on land residing in his home, an ex-cop enlists the help of a grizzled former real estate agent, and an eccentric “house shark” expert to kill the beast.
There’s a lot more that happens. Allow me to paint the picture. A single ex-cop dad is living with his son. While he’s out on a date, a Michael Myers like wraith stalks the inside of his house. It shows a keen interest for the sitter using the bathroom. And it swoops in for a gruesome kill. Initially shocked, it’s not long before the dad is convinced he has a House Shark.
How does that work? The House Shark is not bound by the laws of physics. So despite it’s immense size, is able to travel throughout the house and retreat whenever needed. It could be lurking in a toilet, a hot water tank, or even a kitchen cabinet. The House Shark possesses no limit to its surprises.
As a result of the House Shark, the father is forced out of the house and restricted to camping in his backyard. All the while long his house has now been listed for sale. Hampering the sale, is the fact the dad refuses to let anyone inside to view the house because of the House Shark. I should mention the dad’s name is Frank. Thankfully the realtor and his menacing boss are crafty and maniacal enough to sneak a open house tour passed the dad.
It’s very much like Mayor Larry Vaughn opening the beach after getting forewarned of the dangerous great white shark in Jaws. There’s a lot of comedic bits during this home viewing sequence. We get a young couple who can’t seem to keep their hands off each other. Little do they know there’s a House Shark stalking them the entire time. But they do find out.
This B movie has loony characters in spades. There’s the evil realtor boss who’s akin to Jaws’ Mayor Larry Vaughn’ and his dark servant Darth Squanto who wields something akin to the force. And there’s also another realtor named Abraham that claims to have been hunting the House Shark for over one hundred years. And it’s his Moby Dick if there ever was one. He’s out for only two things. Slaying the House Shark and maintaining his inebriated state. There are a few more that pop up to keep surprising the watcher. One is Zachary, the House Shark expert with a Bond villain inspired third act twist.
I have nothing against sharks undersea. But sharks on land, that’s a whole other thing. Sharks on land would be reprehensible and terrifying. And that’s just what the premise of House Shark is about. So I was drawn to the movie selection like you could say, no I won’t say it. What the hell, it is a column about B Movies. So I will say it, like a moth to a flame.
This B movie does not disappoint in terms of gore. The House Shark is responsible for several brutal deaths. There is no shortness of crass behavior on display as the House Shark hunts and is hunted. Often times the House Shark’s abrupt appearance dramatically adds to the crass scene playing out. For instance, have you ever seen the movie Dreamcatcher? Do you remember the dreaded alien toilet scene? Well, House Shark features a dreaded shark in a toilet scene.
Thankfully no amount of gore is spared in this B movie either. For instance, do you remember the toilet shark scene I just told you about? Great. Because there’s a scene later where someone must use the very same toilet still smeared with the viscera from the House Shark’s first victim.
Why a B Movie?
It’s a movie about a House Shark. It has a constantly twisting plot that features characters hamming it up to confused delight. It repeatedly sets up thematic rules and breaks them without regard. I won’t spoil how House Shark does this. That would spoil the experience of seeing it unfold yourself.
How To Enjoy It
House Shark has a long runtime to be a B movie. You’d think all the events could be tidied up in under 90 minutes. Nope. House Shark pushes the envelope for the amount of crass humor and gross quips that can fit in a B movie. In this case it took nearly two hours. So block out enough time to watch the first half of Justice League and turn your brain off for a while as a House Shark gets hunted.