Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers for the most recent episode of Game of Thrones.

This past episode of Game of Thrones was quite the controversial one. Our own Cam Clark went so far as to say that the series had jumped the dragon, so to speak, with characters making decisions without their arcs being fully earned. But the episode did also bring with it a few key deaths, for better and for worse. One of these deaths was none other than the calculating Eunuch himself, Varys.

This is a character Conleth Hill has been portraying since the very beginning. At first, he was very much off to the side and unassuming, but over the course of the first handful of seasons, it became very clear that he could become a major player for the Throne. He had a more selfless approach than pretty much any other character, and had no worldly possessions to distract him. But with any such ambition out of the way…how did Hill himself feel about it? Here’s what he had to say to EW:

“I took it very personally. I took it as a person, not as an actor or an artist. I understood the reactions of previous actors who had been in the same position a lot more than I did at the time. You can’t help feeling that you failed in some way, that you haven’t lived up to some expectation that you didn’t know about. The only thing that consoles you is people who worked a lot harder than you are in the same boat. So that helps. I don’t think anybody who hasn’t been through it can identify with it. They think, “What’s all the fuss about? You’re all finishing anyway.” But you take it personally, you can’t help it.”

It’s a reaction that surprises. I’m not quite sure what he means by “failed in some way,” but it almost sounds like he feels like his shortcomings as an actor are what led to his being killed off. This idea is reinforced by his next comments, which are in response to the outlet asking how he felt about the way Varys went out:

“In retrospect, great. At the time, nothing could console me. I kept thinking: “What did I do wrong?” There wasn’t any pre-warning. All these famous stories about [actors on Thrones] being taken out for a meal or being phoned at the very least [to notify them that their character was being killed off]. This was just reading cold hard copy.”

Come on, D&D! You couldn’t give the dude a phone call, at least? I guess, at this point, with his character getting axed with just one left, they may not have felt the need with the show ending, but still…what do you think of him not getting a call? Should he have received one? Let us know down below!

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SOURCE: EW