Welcome to Breaking Geek, a column where uber-geek Nick Doll offers commentary and reactions to the most interesting news of the week (or whatever he feels like), using his expansive knowledge of all things geek! Today I am joined by Joseph “Jammer” Medina, Kyle “Bugsy” Malone, and Cam “The Man” Campbell (I gave them these nicknames… they don’t even know!), to discuss our excitement level for Friday’s newest superhero release… Venom! If there is any…

I’ve also invited back my special guest, Venom, to weigh in on what the guys think.

Alright everyone, welcome! For the first time since 2007, Marvel’s greatest villain, Venom, is returning to the big screen, this time without his buddy Spider-Man. Now, we all know that Sony has a track record of fucking these types of movies up, and as I discussed on Monday’s Breaking Geek, they’ve been going about it all wrong since the inception of this film, deciding to exclude Spidey, but still ride his coattails.

Villain? We are not the villain! We are Venom! We need no Spider. The Spider needs us!

Riiiight…. thanks for coming, Venom.

You promised us the Spider. Where is the Spider?

We’ll get to that at the end, buddy.

Buddies! WE are Venom.

Right… anyway…

RELATED: Do We Still Think Venom Will Suck? | Breaking Geek

You’ve read what I had to say (if not, click the link above!) about whether or not recent promotional material has improved the film’s image or not, but now let’s find out what the typical LRM gang thinks. Do ANY of these fine fellows actually want to see Venom this weekend? Time to find out!

Of course they want to go. Mine is a comic book movie and you are all nerds. What else are you going to do? See a Star Is Born? Heh. 

Kyle: We never asked for this movie! We never wanted this movie! We feel Sony doesn’t get it! We… Are… Fans!!!

Look here’s the deal, Venom becomes who he/it is because of Eddie’s feelings against Peter Parker and the fact Parker REJECTED the symbiote. We must remember that the symbiote was almost happy to be a hero with Spider-Man, but Spidey couldn’t deal with some of the darkness and violence, it wasn’t his way. This relationship between the three is what makes Venom VENOM!!! Therefore, not having Webhead as part of this movie and origin destroys a huge chunk of the character. This is why I was personally against the film when it was announced, and still am.

I am no more or less excited about this movie than I was a year ago. I have seen trailers and TV spots, the best of which is the ESPN commercial, and my feelings remain unchanged. I think what upsets me the most is Sony could have made a deal with Marvel and probably make more money through them than they will on their own. Spider-Man: Homecoming made more than both Amazing Spider-Man films domestically and was the #2 Spider-Man film world wide! It’s obvious that Marvel could do Venom better, and give him an entire movie, a 3rd Spidey film at Marvel, to be done correctly.

I do not plan on seeing this movie. Not without someone I really trust seeing it first and tell me it is a great movie. Not just good, but great! There’s only three people whose opinions I trust enough for that to happen, and none of them are seeing it. I will wait until it is free with one of my streaming services… maybe.

Trust us, Kyle. We would never hurt you. Or lie to you. Eddie is a good man, and I am full of human entrails at the moment. If you wait too long, perhaps we will slither down your chimney and MAKE you see our movie. Streaming? More like screaming! Music to our ears. Tasty on the tongue. 

Cam: I had zero interest in a Venom movie that doesn’t feature Spider-Man. Never mind one that doesn’t even have Spider-Man involved in the origin. Frankly I think Sony have outdone themselves with monumentally bad decisions here and that’s saying something.

We have seen the trailer and listened to the cast and crew talk about the movie a little. Well, I have changed my tune somewhat… now I actively hate what I’ve seen! This doesn’t look good to me at all, and I can’t see me watching this. Maybe eventually I’ll get around to it when it’s free on a plane or it’s on the only channel of a hotel room. But actively paying money to watch this is something I have no intention of doing.

Sony needs to understand that their ideas suck and the people that greenlight these ideas don’t know what they are doing. My top tip for Sony, call up Kevin Feige, tell him they can use anyone Sony own in any way they like, as long as they get a cut of team up movies and he main cut of Spider-Man movies. Better still, just tell them how much it would cost to sell them back the rights. I just don’t see Sony pictures carrying on and becoming successful, certainly not with this kind of movie.

Why does no one love us? What have we done to them? All we wanted to do was be accepted… and bite off peoples limbs because they are tasty sweet. Also, some lady promised so much money we can swim in it! We’ve always loved Ducktails… Eddie’s favorite…

Jammer: Unlike you lot, I really have no attachment to Venom as a character. I never read much of him in the comics, he never really clicked with me, and I couldn’t care less about his origin being tied to Spider-Man. And yet, I can’t help but side with you guys on this. We don’t need this movie. Straight-up. We. Do. Not. Need. This.

Granted, you can argue that we don’t need any film out there, and I’m willing to still give this movie a shot because I see pretty much all the big blockbusters, but they haven’t swayed me with the trailers. From day one, in spite of my curiosity, it’s reeked of late-’90s, early-2000s mindset, where studios kinda just used the comics as a starting point and just did their own thing. And you know what, that’s normally okay, so long as the movie is good. But everything we’ve been shown, from the action to the CG to the overall plot has come across as dishearteningly mediocre. I don’t think it’ll be bad, but I can’t imagine this will be a memorable theater outing for those who go to see it.

All in all, it hasn’t justified its existence, and the last film I went into thinking that was Solo: A Star Wars Story, and while I enjoyed that movie okay, I wouldn’t call it a memorable or strong film. Then again, this is coming from someone who loves The Last Jedi and Batman v Superman Ultimate Cut, and enjoys Justice League more than Avengers: Age of Ultron, so you can just chuck my opinion right out the window and enjoy the hell out of Venom if it damn well pleases you.

You’re about to have no attachment to your limbs! Head will roll down the street like a turd, finely rolled into a perfect ball, and hit with a hockey stick. Justice League? We have seen this film and we laugh at how ridicules an idea it is that Earthlings could possibly counter an invader’s power. An invader like us. Batman looks delicious, but the younger the meat the sweeter the treat. So, Flash is who we want to eat! 

Doll back again. Flash Thompson, Venom? You wish to eat a host of yours from the comics?

No. WE want to eat that annoying kid who also spends times with Fantastic Beasts. But not as fantastic as Venom. 

Right, because…

WE ARE VENOM!

Alright, that’s all today, folks. I’ll have my “double take” on Venom Friday, following LRM‘s official review.

Where is the Spider?

Fuck off, man. Don’t ask me, ask Sony! Wait… what are you doing… Nooooooooo!

“Burp”

  FOR FANBOYS, BY FANBOYS Have you checked out LRM Online’s official podcasts and videos on The Genreverse Podcast Network? Available on YouTube and all your favorite podcast apps, This multimedia empire includes The Daily CoG, Breaking Geek Radio: The Podcast, GeekScholars Movie News, Anime-Versal Review Podcast, and our Star Wars dedicated podcast The Cantina. Check it out by listening on all your favorite podcast apps, or watching on YouTube! Subscribe on: Apple Podcasts |  Spotify |  SoundCloud | Stitcher | Google Play