– by Nick Doll

What do we know about this Mario character? Well, he always announces his entrance by reminding everyone his name, he has a brother named Luigi, he likes to cruelly jump on turtles’ shells, and he’s a plumber. And, if you believe the 1993 film Super Mario Bros., his name is actually Mario Mario, hence the Mario Brothers. We hold these truths to be self-evident.

Imagine my surprise then, when I learned that Mario is not a plumber; no longer, at least. Kotaku has brought it to the world’s attention that on Mario’s newly updated, official Japanese-language profile from Nintendo, Mario is no longer a plumber, and he hasn’t been for a long time:

All around sporty, whether it’s tennis or baseball, soccer or car racing, he [Mario] does everything cool. As a matter of fact, he also seems to have worked as a plumber a long time ago…

You just blew my mind, Nintendo. Who has been maintaining the pipes in the Mushroom Kingdom, huh? Is Luigi still a plumber? Was he ever one? I feel like my world is falling apart!

One imagines Mario gave up the plumbing biz due to his riches, either acquired as a reward for rescuing Princess Peach, or from the Sponsors he had when competing against Sonic at the various Olympics in which he and Sonic have competed. With all the sports he has time to play, and his tricked out rides and custom made go-kart tracks he utilizes frequently, Mario’s lifestyle does suggest one of a billionaire without a care in the world.

But what about his continued infatuation with pipes? Old habits die hard, I suppose.

What do you think of this world-shattering revelation? I ruined your childhood, didn’t I? Let us know in the comment section below!

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SOURCE: Nintendo (via Kotaku)