This week on the B movie docket is X-Men Origins – Wolverine
Hello good people. And welcome to 50 B Movies: The Sequel. It’s bigger, better, and badder. The original 50 b Movies covered a wide range of B Movies. There was everything from Thankskilling 3 to The Void. Some films were funny. Some were unintentionally funny. And some were mainstream with far-out concepts like zombie tigers. All in all, it was a hell of a list.
Why make a sequel? Because narrowing down a list of 50 B Movies To See Before You Die was arduous. With so many movies to watch, one can never really know if the movie is good. Sure sometimes 5 minutes in, you know it is a real stinker. Other times it might take a half an hour before one realizes they will never get that half hour back to their life. Poof. Gone. But all in all there are many great B Movies that didn’t make the original list.
So welcome back if you are a LRM reader and welcome if it’s your first time here. Be forewarned we will be treading deep into the bush to pull these B Movies. We aren’t rehashing anyone’s previous 50 or 100 or 1000 B Movies list. Nope. So, prepare yourself for 50 B Movies To See Before You Die: The Sequel. Bigger. Better. Badder. Oooh yeah.
WEEK 11 – X-Men Origins – Wolverine (2009)
I know what you’re thinking. An X-Men movie? He’s calling it a B movie. Liar. To that I ask, have you seen X-Men Origins Wolverine? If so, and you’re still wondering why the movie is on the list, I’ll give you a few hints. The Merc with no mouth, Adamantium bullets, Will-I-AM. Kevin Conroy as the Blob.
Synopsis
Seeking solace from his dark past, Logan (Hugh Jackman), better known as Wolverine, seems to have found love and contentment with Kayla Silverfox (Lynn Collins). Logan’s peaceful existence is shattered when Victor Creed (Liev Schreiber), his vicious brother, brutally murders Kayla. Logan’s thirst for revenge propels him into the Weapon X program, where he undergoes a painful procedure to bond his bones with Adamantium, making him virtually indestructible and more than a match for Victor.
That was the synopsis I found online. A much better description would have been X-Men Origins – Wolverine takes place in the 80’s and is made to be the first cheesy late night 80’s entry into a franchise known for serious drama. Leave your expectations at the door, Wolverine will leave your jaw on the floor. The only thing this movie is missing is a post credits sequence of Gambit beating all the characters at a card game.
If only the movie had the levels of insane over the top violence that Punisher War Zone featured, people would have already recognized Wolverine Origins for its sheer B movie brilliance. But that topic of War Zone is for another day.
The Monster
We all know the monster here was a grumpy old guy with a penchant for violence. His name was William Stryker. And his character was about as hammy as a sandwich from Mike’s in Detroit Michigan. That’s no knock against Danny Huston.
All jokes aside, Deadpool was the movies supposed final act villain to offer. His appearance is a joke in itself. It’s as if the movie exists in some part of the multiverse where the wind is always blowing through the heroes and villains hair, cheesy one liners take the place of wisdom, and characters defining traits are inverted right on their head.
The Creation
I believe that X-Men Origins Wolverine was made during the height of the mutants masquerading in Matrix movie outfits. But it tries to move away from that with some questionable character design reinterpretations. It is a film where the love and hate dynamic between two polar opposites takes on some weird plot machinations. There are serious bromantic vibes from Leiv Schriber’s Sabretooth. Dude has been one of my favorite quiet creepsters since he portrayed Deputy Stuart ‘Stu’ Wargle in The Phantoms.
Seriously as a fan of mostly anything super heroic and well told, I couldn’t help but to look forward to seeing this movie. Especially once I learned that Gavin Hood would be directing. At the time, he had appeared on my radar after seeing the drama flick Tsotsi two years earlier. So of course I was expecting X-Men Origins Wolverine to be a more serious minded meditation on what it means to be the amnesiac mutant with a penchant for filleting his enemies. I was all set to dig into this super hero take on The Bourne Identity. Because let’s be real Wolverine is the original Jason Bourne.
X-Men
Instead Hood delivered a B Movie full of X-Men firsts. The first time we see Sabretooth talk in a live action movie. The first time we see Adamantium bullets. There’s also a pop star actor. Oh, and how can I forget the first live-action appearance of the raging cajun Gambit. If you’re a fan of the X Men comics or the animated series episode Weapon X, Lies, and Videotapes, you may have been looking forward to the first live action appearance of David North AKA Maverick, and Silverfox. Indeed it was an X Men movie full of firsts, and despite so it somehow manages to feel like the Joel Schumacher Batman entries.
Yes, X-Men Origins – Wolverine is the B movie of the franchise. And I believe that if one keeps that in mind while watching, then it is an entertaining flick. Sure, there are moments that seem serious and full of levity such as the bad@## opening sequence where Wolverine and Sabretooth fight through a myriad of historical battlefields. But that is quickly offset by the introduction to the one-liner quipping gang of mutated mercs that Stryker employs. Why’s everything got to be some funny? I paid to watch a superhero movie not the sequel to Mo Money.
B horror
What’s more horrific than seeing your characters butchered onscreen? A lot of things. But it’s like the filmmakers really got a kick out of taking beloved Marvel heroes, putting them on the operating table, and reworking them to fit into the B movie narrative. Let’s get one thing straight, Ryan Reynolds has been doing a kick@## job playing Deadpool and it’s clear he has love for the character.
In this B level X-Men movie all of the great things about Deadpool have been stripped away. Deadpool likes to spit one liners every five seconds, but not in this movie. He doesn’t have a mouth to do so. A penchant for guns, what? Who needs guns when you have Adamantium blades? Furthermore who needs to use bullets when they have optic eye beams? Not this Deadpool is who. He exists in some part of the Multiverse where everything you love about your heroes has been perverted.
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That’s scary enough to me. I mean at this pace, you can just imagine how the rest of the heroes we never were privy to see in Wolverine Origins would have been depicted. I’m sure there was a Professor X out there sporting a mullet and being empathic rather than telepathic. There could have even been a Beast out there somewhere that looked less Prince Adam and more Bo Jack Horseman. It’s a shame that X-Men Origins – Wolverine is the only B movie we got out of the X verse.
Cheese
Take a break from the more serious-minded super hero fare, and dive into this cheesy hero sandwich. It is the Schumacher entry into the X-Verse. For all, I know it could all be really taking place on Mojoworld.
Why?
Because you can watch Ryan Reynolds. Yes, the very same guy that owns Mint Mobile have his mouth sewn shut, and giving a roulette wheel full of superpowers. Seriously, watching Deadpool on screen makes me think someone was somewhere spinning The Wheel of Fortune where each stop is a new super power. Claws, teleportation, optic blasts. Check.
Watch it where?
Disney +
How To Enjoy It
Stay away from the more serious minded entries into the X franchise because watching a movie like Days of Future Past or Logan and then this entry may leave you scratching your head. So make it a night of hilarity and opt to stream Batman & Robin and then Wolverine X-Men Origins.
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