Welcome to Breaking Geek, a column that just won’t go away, where uber-geek Nick Doll offers commentary, reactions, and theories regarding the most interesting news of the week (or whatever he feels like), using his expansive knowledge of all things geek!
Today, I’m back for a good ‘ole fashioned WINTER MOVIE PREVIEW, highlighting the titles that you, our wonderful LRM readers, should keep a lookout for between this week and the end of February.
I’ll list all the wide releases I could find for the next three months, so you know when to catch them, and I’ll even highlight the ones I’m personally looking forward to. Keep in mind January and February tend to have the most release date changes even a few months out, as I’ve seen countless titles pushed to later in the year during my tenure at the movie theater.
As a big favor to you all as well, I’ll insert my opinion where it doesn’t belong! I’ll give every film a ranking that will include the following progression — based on my own personal interest, of course. Not that I’ll have time to get to all of these, with the Holiday Season being so dense and the fact I really don’t see movies in the theater as much as I used to, and haven’t even seen most the films I recommended as “See It!” on my Fall Movie Preview from several months ago.
My ratings system is as follows…
Trash! – This movie looks like a disaster that should have never been made.
Don’t Know/Don’t Care – I don’t know what this movie even is, and I really don’t give a shit.
Oscar Bait/Boring! – These films should basically be called “For Your Consideration” because they’re made just for awards. Which is also boring.
Meh – I’ll wait for HBO/Hulu/Netflix/Disney’s Streaming Service… if I get to it.
See It! – I’ll be there! But I can’t guarantee it will be good… I haven’t seen these yet, obviously.
Without further ado, let’s take a look at the ghosts of movie-going future:
Once Upon A Deadpool (Deadpool 2: PG-13 Edition) – Meh
Was stoked to see it, then I realized I’m not going to a movie theater to watch a PG-13 movie I’ve already seen in its true form. I’ll watch an alternate cut of a film at home, but it’s not worth a trip to the cinema. I’ll catch Fred Savage when this version makes it to a streaming service… perhaps even on Disney+.
Mortal Engines – Trash!
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse – See It!
It’s Spider-Man… by Sony. But it has an amazing and spectacular web of reviews! Bringing together Spider-People (and Pig) into one story involving multiverses was a smart way to go with an animated theatrical release, and if the post-credits sequence on Venom is any indication, it looks stunning! Bonus points for including Spider-Ham aka Peter Porker and casting Nicholas Cage as Spider-Man Noir.
The Mule – Oscar Bait/Boring
Mary Poppins Returns – Meh
It looks swell and will continue to look swell on Disney+ next year.
Aquaman – See It!
I didn’t think I’d ever be able to say this about a DC movie again. Though I personally don’t think it looks very good, I’ll trust the critics and will be checking it out in theaters this Christmas. The Rotten Tomatoes score isn’t as hot as it was a week or two ago, but I haven’t missed a DC movies in theaters since Green Lantern, against my better judgement.
Bumblebee – Meh
Looks cute, but I’ll wait for home video on this one. Even with its stellar reviews, I just don’t see myself watching a Transformers movie in theaters. Or recommending one to you. You’ve already fooled me three times, Paramount, so shame on me.
Welcome To Marwen – See It!
The trailer to this movie is very touching and I love the look of the “doll” sequences as they come to life. I’m guessing it’s worth a watch, but keep an eye on reviews just in case.
Second Act – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
Jennifer Lopez is back is all I know. And I don’t care.
Vice – See It!
Oh boy! This movie looks to be a real treat that will make you laugh while making you very angry, just like Adam McKay’s The Big Short. Christian Bale is completely convincing as Dick Cheney, and Sam Rockwell looks pretty hilarious as George W. Bush. Probably the movie I am most excited for that doesn’t involve superheroes that is on the horizon.
If Beale Street Could Talk – Oscar Bait/Boring
Holmes & Watson – See It!
I love nearly all Sherlock Holmes adaptations from The Great Mouse Detective to Sherlock. There are many ways to adapt the character, so now it’s time for Will Ferrell to don the dearstalker hat and pipe for a more comedic take featuring an actor born to play a non-comedic version of Moriarty, Ralph Fiennes, who has recently made his way into comedy in films like The Lego Batman Movie. This is a real, “no shit, Sherlock” choice for me.
On The Basis of Sex – Oscar Bait/Boring
January 4, 2019!
Escape Room – Meh
The Vanishing – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
State Like Sleep – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
Replicas – Trash!
Looks like a reject, B-movie with Keanu Reeves, dumped in the January wasteland that is filled with forgettable action movies.
The Upside – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
A Dog’s Way Home – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
I’m not a fan of dogs in general, so…
Glass – See It!
Man oh man, if it weren’t for the wonderful world of Marvel, this would be the superhero movie that most had my eye. I’ve been looking forward to a sequel to Unbreakable for 17 years, dammit! Though I could have never foreseen the direction Split would take the franchise, I’m excited to see the return of Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson’s Mr. Glass, set up as adversaries at the end of Unbreakable in 2001, which never paid off… until now!
Arctic – Meh
Everybody Knows – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part – See It!
Everything looks to still be awesome in this sequel to one of the most surprising hits of all time. A “Lego Movie” shouldn’t work, but it has twice already in the original Lego Movie and The Lego Batman Movie. Chris Pratt’s new, extremely meta character looks like just the addition this franchise needs.
Cold Pursuit – See It!
Liam Neeson is a vengeful snowplow driver. ‘Nuff said.
What Men Want – Meh
The Prodigy – Trash!
Happy Death Day 2U – Meh
I do want to see the original based on a recommendation by Jammer, but until I have I can’t make myself excited for a sequel to a movie I haven’t seen.
Alita: Battle Angel – Meh
Fighting With My Family – Meh
The Rock and Nick Frost are in it. So maybe this is worth checking out? Otherwise, I know nothing.
Isn’t It Romantic – Trash!
How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World – Meh
They’re still making these?
Run the Race – Don’t Know/Don’t Care
Sorry if I missed anything. If so, apparently I care even less about those than the others I am critical of. Or, I literally didn’t look at a recent enough list of release dates, though this should still be current. Have fun at the movies these next three months! Maybe, I’ll see you there.