This edition of Come @ Me Bro! is a direct response to ITM’s ridiculous OpEd After Watching Rise of the Resistance’s Disneyland Debut, I get the issues with Childless Millennials by TJ Muscaro. A post suggesting Childless Millennials shouldn’t have the same rights to fun as children. I call Bulls–t.

To be fair, TJ’s OpEd clarifies he is a Childless Millennial and is only continuing the argument put forth by a “Karen,” which the author correctly defines:

“Karen” is a term most commonly used by Millennials and Gen-Zers to describe an all-around entitled parent who is not afraid to let the proverbial manager or the world how wrong she was treated, usually by someone in the service industry. My apologies to anyone reading this article that’s actually named Karen it’s a nice name and a shame it carries that stigma nowadays.

In fact, he ends his piece with this, referencing the original debate about Childless Millennials:

“Karen”

I may not agree with you. I may think it was outright stupid and abhorrent the way you started the “childless millennial” debate over a frivolous pretzel.

But I get what you and all your supporters were trying to say.

Sincerely,

A Childless Millennial.

After reading the entire OpEd, I also get what these supporters were trying to say, and I think it’s a completely outrageous theory supporting discrimination against an age group who either doesn’t want children or isn’t lucky enough to have found love. So, rather than try and be the bigger person, I figured I’d present an equally outrageous response:

If you want to keep me away from long lines so a “precious” child can make memories, keep your snotty little kid away from the memories I’m still making.

TJ writes:

I thought about the parents in that crowd with their kids. I imagined myself as a dad with two little kids. Despite having warned them not to get their hopes up, despite telling them it was no guarantee that we’d get a spot, I had to look down at my little Luke and Leia and tell them that I failed. Meanwhile, a group of Comic  Con cliches in their late 20s and a group of college students celebrated their success right next to us.

Name-calling. Real classy, TJ. Since the bar has already been lowered, I’m not one of those “They go low, so you go high” losers, so let’s tango. Take the gloves off.

Isn’t a “Comic Con cliche” MORE deserving of this experience? I agree with the “Star Wars is for kids” argument, but I’ve liked this longer than your bratty, little spoiled kids who are getting an experience I never did. And “spoiled” is exactly the right word, most of the world, hell, most US families can’t afford a trip to a Disney theme park, due to the erosion of the middle class.

Yet TJ states:

In the case of the Rise of the Resistance opening, parents have to tell their kids far more than just “we can’t do the ride today.” They have to tell their kids that they can’t make those real memories today. They have to tell their kids that they did all the work for nothing. And it was because a group of childless millennials refused to grow up and took up all the space.

There are other ways to make memories. Plus, your kids probably prefer sitting in front of their Playstation 4 and playing Jedi: Fallen Order and can never really appreciate the craftsmanship of an experience of such a  reportedly well-produced ride (I’d never sit in a queue at Disney for one ride, but that’s my own thing).

But, I have come up with a compromise. Give the children Disneyland, but keep those damn kids away from my moviegoing experience.

My suggestion; children under the age of 17 should not be allowed into screenings of PG-13 or R-Rated movies, except for special “family screenings.” I understand not doing the same for a PG Pixar movie, meant for children, but Marvel is mine. I don’t need your kid distracting me when I watch Iron Man die. Or watch Peter Parker kiss MJ. If Disneyland is for kids, then movies are for Childless Millennials.

At 31, even as my friends marry and produce spawn, I especially believe now children should be seen, but not heard. No, I don’t really want to offend friends and co-writers with kids – this column is obviously part satire – and the movie theater dream in my head is just a fantasy as likely to happen as gun control or Trump actually being tried by the senate fairly.

Drop “the children are our future” baloney. Honestly, deep in your heart, Childless Millennials, do you want to see kids, ever, in public? Do you really even want to see your friends’ kids? Of course not!

Covered in snot and sticky candy, pointing out every damn Avenger to their friend during an IMAX screening of Infinity War at full volume (true story). I’ll stop preventing your kids precious memories from becoming a reality if we can find a way to keep children out of Childless Millennials’ lives. We don’t want to put up with your s–t either.

Disagree?

Come @ Me, Bro!

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