This week on the B movie docket is Feast
Hello good people. And welcome to 50 B Movies: The Sequel. It’s bigger, better, and badder. The original 50 b Movies covered a wide range of B Movies. There was everything from Thankskilling 3 to The Void. Some films were funny. Some were unintentionally funny. And some were mainstream with far-out concepts like zombie tigers. All in all, it was a hell of a list.
Why make a sequel? Because narrowing down a list of 50 B Movies To See Before You Die was arduous. With so many movies to watch, one can never really know if the movie is good. Sure sometimes 5 minutes in, you know it is a real stinker. Other times it might take a half an hour before one realizes they will never get that half hour back to their life. Poof. Gone. But all in all there are many great B Movies that didn’t make the original list.
So welcome back if you are an LRM reader and welcome if it’s your first time here. Be forewarned we will be treading deep into the bush to pull these B Movies. We aren’t rehashing anyone’s previous 50 or 100 or 1000 B Movies list. Nope. So, prepare yourself for 50 B Movies To See Before You Die: The Sequel. Bigger. Better. Badder. Oooh yeah.
WEEK 6 – Feast (2005)
Feast is a very fun horror B movie that delights in pulling the rug out from beneath the viewer in regards to expectations. I have never before seen a horror movie this fun, where no one is safe. Except maybe Cabin In The Woods. That movie did have the courage to kill off its blonde headed son of Odin. Ahem, I meant to say Chris Hemsworth. Director Drew Goddard and screenwriter Joss Whedon pulled no punches when they sent Hemsworth bouncing off a forcefield and careening into an open pit. But Feast had the courage to do it at least 6 years before Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard penned the screenplay for Cabin In The Woods.
While we’re on the topic of Whedon. Are the new Sanhedrin going to stop persecuting this guy anytime soon? I mean he made mistakes. Are they enough mistakes to burry the guys career over? I mean what is cinema without the landmark franchise redefining film, Alien Resurrection. Who am I kidding, Alien Resurrection is a flaming meteor like turd of a movie that should have wiped out the entire Alien franchise like the dinosaurs. Sadly the franchise survived. I kid in jest. But we all know that none of the follow-ups have ever lived up to Ridley Scott’s original Alien. There are much better ideas in the book and comic tie-ins.
Do you remember when Batman and Jason Bourne teamed up that one time on the Home Box Office network? If I recall correctly, the show was called Project Greenlight. And of course it was just the actors, and not their respective roles. But wouldn’t it be awesome to see Batman get his @## handed to him by the top Treadstone agent? Who am I kidding. Batman always wins.
I digress. But Project Greenlight was a great series put together by longtime buddies Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Damn, I need to watch some Good Will Hunting.
So, these two had the wherewithal to put together a reality TV series that pit a bunch of creative types against one another to create a movie. I’m paraphrasing and ruining all the nuance of course. But imagine this, America’s Next Top Model for films. That’s right folks. And the winner of the third season was John Gulager. And thus the world was given the insanely fun horror movie Feast.
Trapped in a remote tavern, a group of strangers (Navi Rawat, Krista Allen, Balthazar Getty, Henry Rollins) must band together for survival. Outside the bar, a horde of ravenous, flesh-eating monsters and trying to break in and dine on the frightened humans inside.
The Low Down
Feast takes the legendary John Carpenter’s approach to the Assault On Precinct 13, transposes the action to a hole in the wall bar, and replaces the wild-eyed gunmen with some very nasty looking monsters. Seriously, there’s probably a reason you’ve never seen anyone dressed up as one of these monsters for Halloween. They are gross, vile things, and the only way to achieve the look would be to don a costume made of bloody animal carcasses. And who wants to do that?
Warning. Spoiler coming right at you. Jason Mewes gets his face ripped off. And that is some brilliantly funny &***. I have nothing against Mewes. I thoroughly enjoyed every Kevin Smith movie. But to this day I have yet to see Jersey Girl. Still need to watch that one. But if we’re talking about memorable actors. Is there a more memorable set of characters than Jay and Silent Bob?
The only thing missing from Feast that would have perfectly rounded out the experience would have been a cameo by Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck, both also getting their faces ripped off. It would have certainly added some meta to the madness.
Feast’s monsters do some familiar things and a bunch of gory things. Gory things that I have never seen before. And I was born in the 80’s, grew up with Rotten.com and watched the internet evolve into the cesspool it is today.
For instance, there is one moment when the survivors manage to kill the monster. But like 30 seconds later, we are given the revelation that it was just a baby monster. And because every baby has a parent, both parents show up at the bar looking for their kid.
Low and behold it’s dead. The parent monsters are obviously going to make like The Rock and lay the smackdown all over their survivor a%%%@. But not before they get as busy as bees in the sack and momma monster drops a new monster baby on the spot. It’s gross. But this is a crazy and gross B movie.
Because it is a very good horror B movie, and it was created on a reality show with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
Watch it where?
Feast is currently available to watch on Tubi TV.
How To Enjoy It
Just watch it. Then when you’re done, go to HBO Max and watch an episode or two of Project Greenlight’s season 3. It is nice to see the family dynamic involved in the making of this film. Talk about loyalty to family and friends.