This week on the B movie docket is Meatball Machine

B movies are the glue stuck in between all the other genres, oftentimes refusing to conform to any particular genre presets. Some but not all of the hallmarks of a B movie include scripts that read like they were written by a room full of eighth-graders, poor visual effects, cringe-inducing dialogue, low budget production design, and zany plot contrivances. You’re aware of the hallmarks, right? B-movies often reek of amateur flair. Thought you were about to watch a great white shark hunted in dramatic fashion like only Steven Spielberg can deliver? Nope, this is Sharknado.

Why do we love B movies? I think B movies are comforting. You know what you’re about to watch is bad. If you’re fortunate it may be so bad that it’s good. You’ll often scratch your head trying to work out the plot. Out of the many good films you’ve seen, I bet you can talk with more vigor about the worst ones you’ve seen. They’re unforgettable. There’s something comforting about that I think. Besides they’ve been around just as long as the movie industry.

Believe it or not, chances are there’s a B movie for you. So I compiled a list of 50 B movies you must see before you die. No decade is off-limits. No rating is too taboo. For the next 49 weeks, I will introduce and recommend a B movie for your viewing pleasure. Yes, these are exciting times indeed my fanatical friends.

WEEK 31 – Meatball Machine

Welcome to another week of 50 B Movies. This week’s movie is one that should have been on this list from early on. Sadly, there are not a lot of foreign films listed. But worry no further. That changes today. I bring to you Meatball Machine.

Debuting in 2005 and directed by Yūdai Yamaguchi. Meatball Machine is a science fiction splatter film. It features a premise that is believable enough that it could have been handled in a grounded way if directed by someone like Denis Villeneuve. That guy took an alien invasion premise but elevated it into high brow science fiction instead of just another shoot-em up movie.

However since, this list is called 50 B Movies, and we are all about the B movies. We are talking about Meatball Machine. Which is best described as gross body horror wrapped up in a thin plot. For instance, the level of gore is so high, one character has a windshield wiper in front of his face to block all the viscera from getting in his eyes.

Here’s the synopsis – A couple’s love is split by alien parasites invading the earth turning people into cyborg fighters.

Watch this one expecting to see cheap effects and diy cosplay on a low budget.

The story

It starts out weird. And takes giant strides to outdo itself. Early on the character is in a seedy xxx rated theater watching a show. A transvestite tries to push up on him, and he refuses. He suffers a brutal beating at the transvestite’s hands and is left lying in the garbage. Suddenly some bio mechanical bug bites him. But instead of getting spider powers he starts sprouting metal parts. It reminds me a lot like the 1991 The Guyver.

He takes the biomechanoid bug home and tries dissecting it, but he cannot crack its metallic carapaces since its metal. Later, a young woman joins him back at his apartment. As she recounts to him a horrible story of abuse the bug escapes and grafts itself to her body in a slow and hard to watch process. The bug undergoes a grotesque birthing sequence that transforms her into some cruel mashup of metal and flesh. And not in the Hell Raiser kind of way either.  It all starts coming together once her abusive d bag boyfriend appears and she straight mutilates him with the buzz saw growing from her arm.

Just when it could not get grosser the bug sprouts tentacles and drills her eyes shut like screws.  As a result her eyes look like the top of a screw. She then goes on a rampage. So, we find out the bug uses up one host and goes to another. I audibly said, “what the hell am I watching”. But then our hero gets a bug of his own. Suffice to say this love story just got a lot more interesting.

Also Check Out: The Last Days On Mars | 50 B Movies To See Before You Die

A twisted vision

I’d be lying if I said that in the end, I wasn’t impressed by just how off putting all of the gore and guts are. There is something really grimy about being possessed by a bug that covers you in metal, before hijacking your body and forcing you to fight metal people in junk yards and back alleys. In the end, I do not know what the point of it all is. But isn’t that oftentimes the best thing about a B movie?

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