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Abraxas – Guardian of the Universe | 50 B Movies – The Sequel – Bigger – Better – Badder

Abraxas

Woopsy

Apologies, folks! It seems we’ve hit a slight bump on our B movie marathon. Unfortunately, Herbert West: Bride of Re-Animator has eluded our grasp on FreeVee, leaving us temporarily unable to feature it in this week’s column.

But fear not! I am not one to back down from a challenge. I’ll be on the hunt for a copy of this elusive gem, and rest assured, I’ll dive into its mad scientist mayhem and undead shenanigans.

This Weeks Gem

Welcome, fellow cinephiles, to another thrilling edition of 50 B Movies to See Before You Die! This week, hold onto your seats as we delve into the quirky, action-packed universe of B movies. And what better way to kick off our adventure than with a cult classic that’s as cheesy as it is captivating: Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe!

Plot

Abraxas is a sci-fi extravaganza that’s so bad, it’s good. Picture this: Jesse The Body Ventura, yes, the towering wrestler-turned-actor, dons the role of Abraxas, an intergalactic lawman tasked with hunting down a renegade alien who seeks to impregnate a human woman with a cosmic child. Oh, did I mention that this cosmic child is the key to the universe? Buckle up, folks, because this wild ride is just getting started.

Jesse The Body Ventura is Abraxas

Jesse The Body Ventura flexes his acting muscles in a role that can only be described as… well, Jesse The Body Ventura. He’s like a walking, talking mountain of charisma, delivering lines with all the subtlety of a freight train barrelling through a china shop.

Class Act

The performances are so over-the-top, they’re practically orbiting Jupiter. We’re talking facial expressions that could rival Picasso’s abstract masterpieces and line deliveries that make Shakespeare sound like a toddler reciting the ABCs.

Sven-Ole Thorsen as the villainous Secundus. With a name like that, you just know he’s up to no good. But hey, he brings a certain je ne sais quoi to the role, like a fine wine paired with a questionable cheese.

Marjorie Bransfield stars as Sonia Murray, the unsuspecting human caught in the crossfire of cosmic chaos. Bransfield brings a certain… let’s call it innocence to the role, like a deer caught in the headlights of a spaceship. But hey, she holds her own against the otherworldly oddities thrown her way, and that’s worth a round of applause in my book!

Anti Life Equation

In Abraxas, the Anti-Life Equation takes center stage as the ultimate weapon wielded by the villainous Secundus. It’s portrayed as a kind of cosmic MacGuffin, capable of bringing about untold destruction and chaos. But here’s the kicker: the movie doesn’t exactly delve into the specifics of what the Anti-Life Equation actually is or how it works. It’s more like a vague plot device designed to move the story forward and give our heroes something to fight against.

Now, let’s shift gears to the DC Universe and its resident big bad, Darkseid. His version of the Anti-Life Equation is a whole different ballgame. It’s not just a weapon; it’s a concept, a philosophy, a cosmic truth that strips away free will and enslaves the minds of those who come into contact with it. It’s the ultimate expression of Darkseid’s nihilistic worldview, a tool he uses to bend reality to his will and conquer all of existence.

So, while both Abraxas and Darkseid’s Anti-Life Equation share a name, they’re like distant cousins at a family reunion: vaguely related, but ultimately leading very different lives. One is a plot device in a cheesy ’90s B movie, while the other is a cornerstone of one of the greatest comic book villains of all time.

Scrumptious Cheese

This movie has more cheese than a Wisconsin dairy farm on pizza night. From the moment you hit play, you’re greeted with a glorious onslaught of ’90s sci-fi goodness that’s so gloriously cheesy, you can practically smell the nacho sauce oozing from your screen.

I mean, we’ve got Jesse The Body Ventura in a starring role, delivering lines with all the gravitas of a pro wrestler cutting a promo. And let me tell you, he doesn’t disappoint. Every raised eyebrow, every menacing growl, every awkwardly delivered one-liner is pure cinematic gold.

I can’t forget Sven-Ole Thorsen hamming it up as the villainous Secundus, chewing the scenery like it’s his last meal.

Next Time

Get ready to sink your teeth into next week’s B movie extravaganza, because we’re diving headfirst into the deliciously dark world of Vamp (1986)!

Picture this: a neon-soaked cityscape, pulsating with the promise of danger and desire. In the shadows lurk creatures of the night, thirsting for more than just your average midnight snack. And at the heart of it all is a nightclub like no other, where the music is hot, the drinks are cold, and the clientele… well, let’s just say they’re not your typical party animals.

Vamp is a cult classic that’s equal parts horror and humor, serving up a bloody good time with a side of sass. With a cast that includes the likes of Grace Jones and Chris Makepeace, you know you’re in for a wild ride. So, grab your garlic and sharpen those stakes, because next week, we’re going on a vampire hunt unlike any other.

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