This week on the B movie docket is Stripperland.

B movies are the glue stuck in between all the other genres, oftentimes refusing to conform to any particular genre presets. Some but not all of the hallmarks of a B movie include scripts that read like they were written by a room full of eighth-graders, poor visual effects, cringe-inducing dialogue, low budget production design, and zany plot contrivances. You’re aware of the hallmarks, right? B-movies often reek of amateur flair. Thought you were about to watch a great white shark hunted in dramatic fashion like only Steven Spielberg can deliver? Nope, this is Sharknado.

RELATED – Hell Comes To Frogtown | 50 B Movies To See Before You Die

Why do we love B movies? I think B movies are comforting. You know what you’re about to watch is bad. If you’re fortunate it may be so bad that it’s good. You’ll often scratch your head trying to work out the plot. Out of the many good films you’ve seen, I bet you can talk with more vigor about the worst ones you’ve seen. They’re unforgettable. There’s something comforting about that I think. Besides they’ve been around just as long as the movie industry.

Believe it or not, chances are there’s a B movie for you. So I compiled a list of 50 B movies you must see before you die. No decade is off-limits. No rating is too taboo. For the next 49 weeks, I will introduce and recommend a B movie for your viewing pleasure. Yes, these are exciting times indeed my fanatical friends.

WEEK 14 – Stripperland

Hello, friends. I have been digging deep into the annals of B movie catalogs to find you the absolute best B movies. You cannot imagine how many trashy films I have watched to write these. That is an entirely different beast right there. That being said. I am thrilled to present this week’s B movie, Stripperland. Check out the synopsis below:

Women turn into flesh-eating exhibitionists, forcing survivors to flee to the West Coast before they can be devoured by pole-dancing zombies.

It may not sound all that exciting but trust me this film is not tame. It is one hot tamale. First off as you’ve probably guessed Stripperland is a parody of 2009’s Zombieland. It was released two years later in 2011. And it basks and flips around in this parody pool to the point it crescendos into B movie glory like a dolphin at Sea World. This B movie is on the deep end of B movies as it is replete with massive amounts of gore, and T&A. Misogyny isn’t the word here. But these girls know how to shake something. Thankfully, the filmmakers even parody the male reactions to the opposite sex. So, let’s dig into this gleefully good B movie.

Rules  

Whether you are an avid or passive consumer of horror movies, you’ve by now realized there are rules to surviving horrible situations. You know things like don’t trip, never split up the group, etcetera-etcetera. Zombieland cemented what most of us were thinking when they presented their own set of rules. Stripperland one-ups that former with its own set of rules. I present the rules of Stripperland. Note, Stripperland never divulges all the rules, so some numbers are skipped.

#1. Strippers dance for tips and tips alone.

#2. Strippers are not prostitutes.

#3. Strippers never tell the truth.

#6. No matter how much money you spend and no matter what they say there is no sex in the VIP room.

# 8. Strippers love heels, dead giveaway for slow zombies.

#11. Never eat at a strip club.

#12. Always bring your A game.

#55.  You’re an idiot.

A Gut Busting Parody

Stripperland is a warped raunchy paint by numbers copy of Zombieland. The two main characters even reference Zombieland as they use a segment from that movie to come up with unique code names like Idaho, San Francisco, and Oregon. After the two leads cement their official nicknames, they go on a fetch quest for baked goods. You see Francisco had another life before the stripper apocalypse. He used to have a good life with a good wife that he mostly remembers for making him baked treats like pies, brownies, etcetera.

On The Road Again

The duo soon becomes a foursome and they embark on a road trip to find a mysterious leader of a geriatric paramilitary group known as Granbo. Why? Because she is an award-winning baker, and Francisco is promised all the pies and treats he can eat if he can get the group together in one piece. The journey is hard but replete with some amazing characters. We meet Double D, a white rapper played by Daniel Baldwin rocking a tracksuit. Shelter is scarce to come by since the group is headed to Oregon which happens to be the Mecca of America’s strip clubs and is basically Stripper Ground Zero.

Whenever the group does find a haven it is quickly abandoned for one reason or another. The first time the group comes across a mansion that is home to a washed-up B movie celebrity named Guy Gibson. I will not spoil what happens next, but while the guy might not be Bill Murray. Wait, I’ve said too much already. You should see this film to find out what happens in this scene. Oh, and there is also this great mall scene with a character who ambles over a loudspeaker that “when hell is full, strippers will walk the earth”.

Stripper Zombies

I have seen slow zombies, fast zombies, talking zombies, and zombies in love. But I had never seen Stripper Zombies. Nor have I ever seen a stripper zombie running in heels while her stillborn zombie baby wails from inside her chewed out belly. That is until I saw Stripperland. There are many theories tossed around the movie as to the origin of the end of the world stripper scenario. It might have been a mutated strain of mad cow disease on some strip club nachos, hence rule #11. But it could have also been the doings of some smacked-out cult using something called the Sexcronomican.

Final Thoughts

I thoroughly enjoyed Stripperland. It is full of winks at other movies and TV shows. It practically bathes in being a parody. There are so many things occurring, that I won’t spoil here. But I will mention the baseball bat named Ash that would make The Walking Dead’s Negan’s Lucille wet her pants. You have to see this B movie before you die. Because I doubt God has a streaming service with movies of this caliber. Over and out.

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